Or, The Story of How I Didn't Get Ketchup or a Keyboard
Earlier this evening I accidently dropped my keyboard onto a glass of water. Everything seemed fine for a while, but then it spontaniously stopped working like an hour later.
So it typed this passage: abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZThe quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.Mother fucking why did I leave the water so close to keyboard?
As: aqbv,cdkefgfhijhk.lmnmnop/qrxstubvw2xsyz\AQBV,CDKEFGFHIJHK.LMNMNOP/QRXSTUBVW2XSYZ\The qui,ck brow2mn foxs jhumnp/edk obver the .laqz\y dkogf.lMNother fu,ckimngf w2hy dkidk I .leaqbve the w2aqter xso ,c.loxse to the keybvoaqrdkP?
So obviously that was not going to do, and I immediately embarked for Walmart.
I had recently seen a cordless mouse/cordless keyboard set at Walmart for $15. I paid $30 for the simmilar one I have now, so at the time I considered buying a backup set. Then I told myself, "Yeah, why don't you just buy an entire Walmart and keep that in the basement for backup, you lazy lazy whore." So I didn't buy it then.
But I need it now. So I drove to Walmart.
When the fucking fuck did fucking Walmart stop being fucking 24 hours?
Apparently it now closes at Midnight. I was at the door at 12:02. Fuck.
Well I was out so I went to McDonalds. Which should have cheered me up, but they got my order wrong. Okay, they had a point. I didn't "need" a large. But I did need the ketchup I asked you for, you bumbling incompetents.
Now I have appropriated the keyboard from the family computer. Maybe by morning the old one will have dried out.
EDIT:
I had to bring the big ketchup bottle in here because Maccas didn't give me any. And my mom saw.
She said, "Are you sleeping with the ketchup tonight?"
I said, "Yes mom, I didn't know I had to ask before I had a guest in my bed. Ketchup and I are going to be intimate tonight. But don't worry. You don't have to make Ketchup pancakes tomorrow."
EDIT: Upon reflection: here is what happened...I got tired and Robert Goulet fucked with my stuff-- you can see him do it!
I was headed north on University Avenue in the bike lane, and Mr. Wang was exiting H1. He mildly hit me with his Nissan.
I had the right-of-way, obviously, and I remember thinking, "Wow. It's taking him a while to see me," and then I screamed, because I was being mildly struck by Mr. Wang in his Nissan.
I don't remember falling over or standing up, but when I got onto the sidewalk my left hand was dirty. So I think I must have.
Mr. Wang pulled over, and asked if I was alright; he offered to call an ambulance.
"No, thank you. I'm fine. You hardly hit me at all; I'm just frightened."
"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you. I don't know..." He tapped his head to indicate that problem most likely stemmed from that region. "Can I buy you a cup of coffee?"
I reached out and shook his hand. "I have to go to work. Don't worry, I'm perfectly fine." I was still visibly shaken; breathing heavily. I kept putting my right hand on my heart.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you. I was looking behind, for cars." He tapped his head again, and again I reassured him. This continued for enough iterations for me to become frustrated with myself for being so polite.
He asked me if I wanted his phone number, and I said it couldn't hurt. "If anything is wrong, you will please call." He told me the number, and I asked for his first name. I said that specificly, "What's your first name?"
"My last name is Wang. It's easier to remember."
I told Mr. Wang not to worry, and to have a nice day, and he nodded skeptically. He seemed as disturbed by my overly-polite reaction as I was.
Since my recent transformation from normal person to obsessive fangirl, I have found it very difficult to generate content that would appeal to the broad mass of people (read: Michael and maybe Hester sometimes).
Lately I've been doing nothing but my whole fangirl thing and furitive LSAT prep. It's a boring life.
A long time ago I heard or read somewhere that everyone's personality is a compilation of the five people they spend the most time with. I've always thought that was so true. When someone moves away, or I meet someone new it is so short a time until I notice I've changed substantively.
I've changed jobs, and I have made a new friend, so I've changed a lot recently. And soon I'll be moving across the country so the five people I spend time with are going to drasticly and suddenly change. Major shake up.
I'll still be me mostly. So far I love the new me. We'll see.
So, ok. I've been neglecting this blog. I've become pretty obsessed with a couple other things at the mo. Life is busy. I wish I could skip over the next few weeks and get the good bit.
My name is Beth, and I'm a House-aholic. ("Hi Beth.")
I have watched the Season 1 and 2 DVDs back to back to back, sometimes missing sleep, and read the season three transcripts and read a bunch of fanfic...
This is my cry for help. Someone stop me before I stop myself!
Mmm...Dreamy blue eyes, so deliciously strict, but fair. Why won't Cameron date him, why! Foolish girl.
Wow, something like the following article will really shake up one's sense of right and wrong.
Summary: In the face of restrictions on destroying embryos, scientists have developed away to harvest the cells they need WITH OUT destroying the embryo. One cell is removed, divides divides divides, the rest of the embryo grows up to write the great American novel, or cure cancer.
This is a great innovation, you have to love it. But, you can't make an omelet like this unless you're willing to break a few embryos. Further, it wouldn't have come about if not for the federal limit on funding that harms embryos. It's just easier for them to destroy the embryo than to develop a costly way of not harming embryos. Someone asked me what I think about embryonic stem cell research a while back, and I conclude:
We should never do any research that harms a human life.
We should definitely do research that harms human life if it will save many more lives than harms
We should not put morally relativistic limits on federal research money
We should definitely put morally relativistic limits on federal research money
We should not use federal funds for scientific research
We should definitely use federal funds for scientific research
These kinds of things are exactly why I'd never want to be a doctor, politician, or judge. I don't want to be in charge of deciding these things...And further I wish no one ever had to.
August 23 Scientists Harvest Stem Cells Without Destroying Embryo
Breakthrough technique might get around moral issues, experts say
By Amanda Gardner, HealthDay Reporter More on this in Health & Fitness Doctors Renew Warning on Asthma Drugs Health Highlights: Aug. 23, 2006 Clinical Trials Update: Aug. 23, 2006 Today's Health News WEDNESDAY, Aug. 23 (HealthDay News) -- In what could prove to be a medical milestone, researchers have succeeded in generating new lines of human embryonic stem cells without destroying the embryo. The breakthrough may enable scientists to circumvent the ban on federal funding of stem cell research, paving the way for gains in treating or curing diseases such as diabetes, spinal injury and Alzheimer's disease. "The whole goal of this is to increase the number of stem cell lines available for federal funding and give the field a badly needed jump-start," said Dr. Robert Lanza, senior author of a paper appearing in the Aug. 24 issue of Nature and medical director of Advanced Cell Technology in Worcester, Mass. Lanza was cautiously optimistic, although he said the final say on whether this strategy could widen U.S. embryonic stem cell research depends on politicians, not scientists. "The approach described here does not involve the destruction of an embryo, nor does the biopsied cell ever develop into an embryo at any point. Therefore, we hope this method can be used to increase the number of stem cell lines available for federal funding - and thus give the field a badly needed jump-start," Lanza said. "But I guess we'll have to see what the President and Congress have to say about it all." The promise of embryonic stem cells lies in their ability to be "pluripotent," and develop into any cell type in the body. Experts envision a future where stem cells might help replace diseased or injured tissue, thereby treating a host of ailments. However, many object to the destruction of embryos inherent in this research. For that reason, embryonic stem cell research in the United States has been severely restricted since Aug. 9, 2001, when President Bush placed limits on federal funding of the field. As of that date, federal funds could only be used to study stem cell lines derived from embryos that had been already been destroyed before the limit was set. This has turned out to be fewer lines than originally thought, and even fewer high-quality lines. And while some state and private money has emerged to fill the gap in research funding, experts say it's not been nearly enough. Most scientists agree that federal resources are needed if any credible research gains are to take place. So far, scientists have obtained embryonic stem cells by taking groups of cells from early embryos before they implant in the uterus. However, this process involves the destruction of the embryo. Lanza's new paper improves on research his team did last year. In that study, the Massachusetts group succeeded in cultivating mouse embryonic stem cell lines by removing just one cell from the mouse embryo. The procedure is similar to that used for pre-implantation genetic diagnosis, used to check for genetic disorders during in vitro fertilization (IVF). In this case, the mouse embryos survived. But then, a roadblock. "We tried to apply that to a human system and found that it does not work," Lanza said. "We had to work out a different technique and initially we weren't sure that it was going to work. It was pretty tough. Eventually it worked like a charm." Here's how. According to Lanza, the new research involved 16 human embryos left over from IVF. "We used a single-cell biopsy technique to pluck out one cell when the embryo was at the 8-to-10-cell stage," Lanza explained. This is the same stage used for pre-implantation genetic diagnosis. Excising a cell at this point doesn't interfere with the embryo's development, the scientist explained. However, the cells apparently do not like being co-cultured alone, so they were put into a dish with other cells. This technique worked to keep them alive. Using this method, Lanza and his team managed to get two stable human embryonic stem cell lines that behaved like conventional embryonic stem cell lines. "They've now been growing for over eight months, are entirely normal genetically and they were able to generate all of the cell types of the body," Lanza said. "The real importance of this is the potential that you could have embryonic stem cell lines that are pluripotent from embryos that aren't destroyed," said Paul Sanberg, director of the Center for Aging and Brain Repair at the University of South Florida College of Medicine in Tampa. "If these cell lines were allowed, it could help enhance embryonic stem cell research." Lanza's company will be working with the scientific community to make the stem cell lines widely available. "With the right resources, we could recreate as many lines as the scientific community needs without harming the embryos and help other researchers develop the technique," Lanza said. "We could move very quickly." Next year, he said, Advanced Cell Technology will be filing an investigational new drug application aimed at the eye condition known as macular degeneration. More information To learn more about stem cells and stem cell research, head to the International Society for Stem Cell Research.
It's application season, and I'm sure many a young whipper-snapper is typing "should I go to chem grad school?" into google. If you arrived here by such a search, good news! I have the answers you're looking for.
In a word, no. No, no. Definitely not. Aren't you smart for asking. I certainly never did.
How To Use Your Own MP3 for Your Ringtone: Motorola V360
I have been looking for a way to do this for a while now, and I finally found it tonight on cnet. I reproduce the instructions here, for no other reason but to find them myself later when I forget. But you could use them to. I guess. Thank you cassiopeia88.
1. Prepare your MP3 ringtone using WavePad or simmilar software. Bitrate must be <192. 2. Using the USB adaptor or the microSD card, place the MP3 in your Mobile>Audio folder. 3. In the phone, go to Menu>Fun & Apps >Sounds>Menu>Switch Storage Device>Card. This is a list of the audio files you've stored to the card. 4. Highlight the file of interest and select Menu>Move>Phone.
Now the file will be displayed in the ringtones list.
I made the opening of Cake's Never There my ringtone, but it was disappointing...you can't here the background sound of the track: a dialtone.
Prediction: In a Short Time, NBC Will Be the Number One Network
I just caught the pilot for NBC's new Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. (Thank you Netflix. Since when do you have pilots?) It is so good, I don't know how to tell you.
Bradley and Matt play a writer/director team that are the most lovable fuck-ups. Like Amanda Peet, I want to take them to Cabo. This show is the perfect blend of compelling, fascinating, and funny-as-hell.
Alan Sorkin says, "I like going behind the scenes of things..." The photography of the show is awesome: it seems you are walking along back stage behind the cast, party to their insider secrets.
Don't miss. Five Stars.
Update: You lucky sons of bitches. I just found you the pilot free and legal on the internets.
I love technology! What took me so long to get a mobile? So this post is live via motorola - even though the keyboard is right there and my thumb is cramping. Because I can. This is post 97...get ready for Centi-post.
According to Facebook Chris has a lady type. Surprize surprize. This is just* the sort of photo J.I. would have gotten from me. Obviously we must await further evidence: this photo may have been doctored. It has a dream-like quality that makes one think, "Yeah. In his dreams."
Update: Amy has added me as her facebook friend, providing me with access to a scandalous amount of data** on her, as well as a shocking 235 photos. I feel stalkerish now...I hear the Charlene (I'm Right Behind You) song. I guess it's ok as long as she knows I read that stuff. And I haven't started driving by her dorm. Yet.
*Like, if his lady type hadn't fired me.
**From the pedestrian-yet-odd-that-I-know-that (favorite TV = Family Guy, calls it "soda" not "pop") to the flat-out-creepy (address, mobile phone number).
I am now fully indexed by google...up to ca. August 18. Now if someone types into google 'start the moped' I'm the third hit! I swear someone was able to do that at some point. How 'bout this: I'm the only* hit for "Mortal Enemy Sweepstakes." Oh, fuck Google. They can't be bothered to remember me.
Since traumaticly learning last night that my living situation does not come with phone service, I have ordered a cellular phone. Now I'm one of you people. The hilarious side of this development is that April and I have been discussing ways to save money. I read an article today on msn about how to cut spending, and I was despondant because it seemed I was already living the cheapest possible lifestyle. (Suggests: getting a roommate, getting rid of your car and cell phone, canceling your cable and internet...I have none of these things. At least...I pirate them, so they're cheap as free.) Now I'm doing the opposite and adding a monthly HUGE bill.
Today is an Hawaiian state holiday. We still work, but there's a holiday atmosphere and it's a lot of fun. April lent me her car to go get McGriddles today and I surprized her with a tank of gas.
Danielle, Jesse's British wife, might join our group. This is exciting news for me, as I am anxious to groom up a replacement friend--April will graduate within one year. Danielle is a perfect candidate: female, plays poker, owns a car. The down side is she keeps asking me if she should join the group, and I find that answering in my best interest may be morally questionable. At least so far I'm being honest: "I think you should join. You have a car and April is graduating soon. I need to groom you up to replace her as my best friend in the group." Poor Danielle. It's the only good group in the islands, and she will have to live here to be with Jesse.
At any rate, she will have her desk in my lab until she chooses and advisor, and I hooked her up with the best spot: right next to me. It's Paul Bunyan's* old desk, so the bar is set high for her is she should join the group. The way the boss talks about him, he was the largest lumberjack this group has ever seen.
*Paul's last name has been changed for comedy's sake.
I know exactly how George W. felt. But unlike him, I am looking for a "safe" way to vent my aggression. I have no plans to invade.
Yet, I need to find someone/something willing to be my mortal enemy. If you think you'd make a good foe, drop me an application incuding a photo and why you'd make a great nemisis.
Send your application with the subject line: "Mortal Enemy Sweepstakes" to beth7175@hotmail.com. One lucky winner will be the object of my fiendish plans for revenge and domination.
It is your duty to vote...vote early, vote often. Get this Hungarian bridge named after darling Stephen! You'll need multiple IP addresses. Go here, click on ABC szerint to alphabetize the list, or just use Ctrl+F to find Stephen Colbert hid. Select it, and click on Elkud at the bottom to vote. "Carpel tunnel is a small price to pay for this gift to the Hungarian people" so get clicking.
Tomorrow is moving day, and I predict I will be too tired to write about it afterward. So I'll just tell how I predict it will go.
April is gonna come pick me up, and we're off to the shady used mattress dealer to get me a bed. Then we'll go to Walmart to get a table and chair to be my work station.
I will try to talk April into letting me buy her lunch. She will give in when I mention Chipotle Chicken Ciabatta and curly fries.
Next we'll return to the dorm to get my stuff: compy, mini-fridge alpha, toilletries and sewing, craft, and desk stuff. I already took most of my clothes.
Kitchen stuff won't be needed at my new place. So, we'll return to take Kitchen stuff, mini-fridge bravo (for Miki) to the lab.
Last I will take April out to Thank You dinner. Probably she'll want Thai food, but I have my fingers crossed for steak.
Well, we're photo-less for a while here as I destroyed my camera recently. I was trying to use my remote shutter release cable with a suitcase as a tripod...pulled it right off. Here's a picture to look at, anyway. It's the first hit off google image search for "crazy shit."
Today is the germans' last night in town, so we go to Magoo's. Don't tell anyone, but I secretly wish I could just go home and rest, or even stay here and work instead. But, a girl's gotta eat, and I owe the germans for their great friendship these three months. They have more loyalty in their little fingers than some of my co-workers posses.
What's this nonesense about Kellie and Michael not getting iPods after all? Pull the fucking trigger already.
I've recieved word that Castro may or may not be sick. Rough news for Francis, who "wanted to see Cuba before Castro's gone." Um...no comment.
If you need photo frames, try Kmart. It was the best deal on this rock.
This has turned into a Larry King-esque rant from subject to subject, so I better knock it off before I delete this post.
J.I. reminded me that I didn't actually do a feature this friday...and I thought to myself, "it's a choose-your-own-adventure." You choose the whole feature...in your imagination.
But what about a real CYOA feature? So now I'm in planning phases and I hope to have it ready by next friday. You'll read a passage here, and at the end will be a choice. Your choice will link you to the comment section of someone else's blog! And that in turn will link you somewhere else.
That having been said, if you have a blog and want my CYOA featureventure to travel to your blog's comment section, or your blog's post section for that matter, let me know by comment to this post.
Boss and April went to CostCo for the provisions. (Sidebar: what the hell name for a price club is CostCo? Cost Company? Come here, it Costs!) Sadly, they did not have the artichoke sausages, but we'll muddle through.
So Gideon comes up to me in the office today. Well, more than once. He came to ask me how to spell "per se," and for cherryhead candies, but also for this:
Gideon: So...Beth.
Me: Yes?
G: You have a ride to the picnic tomorrow?
M: Well, I mean...I thought we were all meeting here and leaving together...?
G: Yeah....so...Beth, you have a driver's liscence right?
M: Um, yes. Okay Gideon.
So I am a designated driver in case Gideon gets carried away. Isn't he cute? But actually April is driving me. But I will go home with Gideon, I expect. There's room for one more, and then April can go straight home.
I don't know what's wrong with my reaction. But, the good news is we made four grams of the precursor today, so we should be able to figure it out in time.
Michael and Kellie are getting iPods. It's so ridiculous, because the iPods will be WASTED on them because they don't WANT iPods. They have gift certificates. How could you not want an iPod? iPod is the shisnack. (You're not using that right. That's what she said. That's better.)
A twenty-something who still has teen angst? What can I tell you: I skipped over those years to arrive instantaneously at this moment in time.
About Me
Name: Beth
Location: Honolulu, HI
Oops! You found my website. This is where I whine and complain* about all the events of my miserable little life. One of the goals here is to make this website innocuous enough that children, the elderly, and my parents can read it without being shocked. So leave comments, people: just keep it clean.
*Disclaimer: If you know me, I probably complained about you somewhere on this site. If you don’t want to hear what I really think about you and everyone/thing else, read no further. This means you.
